the one with his thoughts

lately, i've been thinking alot.

i've been thinking why am i in nursing.. like can i see myself working in the ward passing the reports? talk to demanding relatives? do my routine work? give the medication without error?

it's been a drag. really.

the exams were pretty hard and i can't help thinking that if i were to fail those papers, then would i be motivated to do further? i know most of u might say "it's all in the mind" or "if u put your heart and mind to it, then u'll be able to achieve it". my passion decreases which is so demoralising.

there is no doubt that i feel like quitting. of course i would feel that. and any normal human being will have that same kind of feeling once or twice in life. or maybe more till u become depressed. 'sian' maybe the word to describe the whole situation.

i wanted to go out yesterday. but my mum told me not to go out and demanded that i stayed at home. i told her i still wanna go out coz i've been working for a week and needed the break. she was still persistent about it and said no. she just said no.

haiz. i was given a no reason for not being able to go out.

i told my mum that im really not a Bad or Bad Habitual person. like im not a gangster and go around beating people. like im not a clubber who goes clubbing every night around drinking till the early morning. like im not a player going around having sex with teenagers under the age of 12. heh.

fadhil told me maybe because i told her that i wanted to go out at the last minute. i told him yeah im kinda like the last minute guy. and that i never intended for what had happened to happen.