i just went for surgery yesterday. and now i have a metal implant inside my collarbone. it's not that bad.. the pain has definitely subsided after a day. i got to admit, right after the surgery, the feeling of my collarbone is definitely not good. i felt that my shoulder muscle was being stretched. but after yesterday night, the pain and the uncomfortable feeling went away.

and during the night, i wanted to take a piss. since i already got a jab in the butt, the nurse told me that i shouldnt go to the toilet alone and i had to pee in a urinal. that was the first time i had to pee in a urinal! so the curtains were drawn surrounding my bed. anyway, while i was trying to pee, i heard footsteps coming towards my bed. and a student nurse just opened the curtain and entered my area!

i knew she saw it. because i saw her eyes looking at it. god.. the embarrassment.

but my most happiest moment was being able to go home.


i don't know why i feel so lonely in the ward. i mean, there were some patients around with broken legs, knees and arms. i didn't talk to them. only one old guy who was beside me talked to me once and i responded by saying yes.

my friends came later at night, and for an hour, i felt so happy. they cheered me up. made me laugh. and for that hour, i knew that i need to be around ppl. after they left, i forced myself to sleep because i wanted to look forward to the next morning where at least i can see many ppl walking around.

but i couldn't sleep, and at that moment, thank god cass called. and the feeling of loneliness went away for awhile until she put down the phone. and again i had to force myself to sleep even though i felt a little bit sleepy.

then another 2 visitors came and they were there for 5 minutes. i was actually asleep when they came. but i am already thankful for that.

i tell myself that i do not want to stay in the hospital again. i could stay for a day but i won't want to stay more than that. no wonder patients looked depressed when i attended to them. the environment is so boring. but of course, we won't know when we fall sick or needed treatment in the hospital. so this time, i must really take care of myself.

yup.. i will take care of myself during my one month MC. yeas!